Missives From The Mosh Pit Edge

Reluctantly, I leave The Hotel Regina in Würzburg after a brief but deep sleep in an insanely comfortable bed. I awoke, however, with a thumping headache; the result of a post gig smoked ham sandwich & bag of salted crisps. Missing breakfast, I down half a litre of water and two paracetamol to ease the, er, PAIN (😜) before setting off.

Train to Fulda then change platform for train to Leipzig. Sleeping most of the way, I arrive feeling quite alert and ready for a new adventure. This feeling of positivity and light gaiety lasts as long as it takes to step out of the train and onto the platform. The sun is blazing, it is hot and humid. Instant return of headache. It’s almost winter! Begone summer torment!

I walk through the adjacent shopping mall. It is bustling, noisy, airless. To encourage a harmonious, zen-like awakening tomorrow morning, I change drastically the post gig menu and buy merely two bananas and a litre of Volvic. For the moment this makes perfect sense but I have a feeling that when I return to the hotel after the show tonight I will not be best pleased with myself.

The A&O Hotel can be found facing Leipzig Hauptbahnhof. A huge, characterless, grey building, its corridors remind me of The Shining and add to the unease I feel about this city. Würzburg was so welcoming and friendly; Leipzig looks and feels menacing in comparison, like the nasty big brother who gives you Chinese burns and kicks your ass.

It doesn’t help matters that the gig is on the other side of town. In fact, it’s totally in the middle of bloody nowhere. According to the leaflet that came with my ticket, you catch bus no.72 from the Hauptbahnhof, get off close to Hellraiser and walk a short way.

Well, let’s see about that. It’s now 8.30pm. As a precaution, I take the phone number of a local taxi firm with me, just incase. There are lots of drunk people lurking outside, and as I wait at the bus stop I feel like a sitting duck under a spotlight with a target on its beak and a reward on its head.

The number 72 approaches. I get on, stamp my ticket and find a seat by the window. Leipzig is barely illuminated by sporadic street lamps and in the gloom we pass grand, ornate houses; worn by time, holding ghostly memories of splendour from a bygone age; it’s sinister and quite beautiful. Only missing is a swirl of mist and the lament of a solitary violin.

The street lights vanish and we enter complete darkness. My stop is announced ( I have its name and the three preceding it written on my arm ), I ask the driver, ‘Bitte, und zurück, wo ist das Stop?’ He is disinterested and thumbs vaguely over his shoulder. I hop off, locate the return bus stop, note the time of the last bus ( in my head, not with pen on my arm – this is a crucial point ) and follow the thud to the venue, Hellraiser.

💀🤘🏻HELLRAISAAAAH🤘🏻💀

Inside, it is dark, foreboding, hot and full of mad Leipzigers. There are Hellish scenes painted on the black walls; it is a perfect venue and audience, both are as I imagined and hoped they’d be. Now I’m here the unease dissipates, kindred spirits surround.

The entrance is at the back of the hall so l am immediately confronted by a sea of people extending all the way to the stage. I contemplate how I’m ever going to get near the front.

Firstly, though, the pre-gig pee. Where is the loo? I have no idea, it’s pitch black and I can’t see a thing beyond my nose. Looking round I notice a vague haze of light in a booth to my right and figure it’s the cloakroom. I gingerly pick my way over through the crowd and ask the man,’Wo ist die Toilette, bitte?’ He flaps his arms above his head and delivers a spiel in rapid fire German. I have no real clue what he’s saying but hazard a guess. I splutter, ‘Ich verstehe nicht’, point behind me, wave my hand from side to side to emphasise the words and ask, ‘ Ich gehe da und da und da?’ He nods head vigorously, ‘Ja.’

Keeping to the edge of the crowd, I dodge all the way down the right side of the hall towards the stage ( heh heh ) then through a doorway into almost total darkness. I realise this is what he was saying, ‘watch out for the stairs, uneven surface, potholes and bottomless pit. Oh, and it’s not signposted so you will stand in the small foyer amidst hordes of drunken men on their way to relieve themselves while you squint in the murk trying to locate the loo.’ A young woman appears and we both look around, perplexed. Suddenly, at that moment, a door opens, I hear a celestial chorus of angels and in the shaft of light beaming forth we see the queue of ladies.

Now ready to rock, I climb back up the stairs and into the hall. I see a space at the front, two rows from the stage. I nip in, feeling very pleased with this unexpected opportunity. Not the traditional Young side but the Williams prospect which makes this a significant departure from my usual show MO.

In front are two folks holding cameras from the Leipzig Advertisaaah Metal Department🤘 and Pär Sundström from Sabaton, Würzburg Division! OMG! To my left is a rock solid Ukranian body builder and beyond him, a ramshackle group of very rowdy young men. I am yet to realise my good fortune to be in this very position within tonight’s front of stage formation.

PAIN attack just after 10pm, the juggernaut of sound tearing through this delight of a venue. The audience salute the band, punching the air with raised fists, horns up. The wait is over, the band is here, let mayhem begin! The Teutonic Painheads are loud, mouthy; the atmosphere lively, happy, easy, relaxed. It is hot and sweaty. The band get their heads down immediately, there’s no easing into the madness; they’re right in your face, assaulting eardrums, rattling bones, firing volleys of Swedish metal over our heads to thrash the monsters and demons seething on the walls beyond. Amid the darkness of Hellraiser we embrace the redemptive powers of this loud, rhythmic, pounding music which engulfs us all in waves of hope and joy 😄🤘.

The group of exuberant boys to my left, however, surf the waves, throw back a few more beers and kick off their mini mosh pit action with an almighty shove. They go completely nuts, throwing themselves from side to side, falling over, being total pains in the ass. My bodybuilder takes the hits and stands his ground, no messing. If he hadn’t been there I would have been trampled like a bug. I’ve never been so close to a mosh pit before and, even if it’s a small one, it is as fascinating as it is scary and annoying. Fortunately, the violence only lasts a few songs before the Moshers run out of juice, settle down, behave themselves and embrace the love 😄.

In the latter stages of the show, thoughts of buses and last bus times fleetingly enter my head but in the throes of Metal ecstasy I dismiss them instantly. Live for the moment, fear not! The show is intoxicating, time stands still, nothing else really matters. However, as soon as the band leaves the stage, reality rears its unwelcome head and I wade through the crowd, into the night and along to the bus stop ( most rebellious rock n roll line there, haha 😄 ). Checking timetable again, I read; last bus : 23.30. Checking watch, current time : 23.40. Marvellous.

The crowd is now exiting the venue in droves and disappearing into the night. Plan B. Maybe the U Bahn isn’t so far away? I ask a woman passing by, ‘Hallo, es gibt keine Bus, wo ist die U Bahn, bitte?’ She replies,’ Keine U Bahn aber der ist ein Nacht Bus.’ ‘Ein Nacht Bus? Super!’, I exclaim. She says,’Um Ein Uhr.’ At one o’clock, hmmm. Plan C. I try the taxi number. ‘Die Nummer machts nicht.’ Something like that, no taxi.

DEFCON 1. Back to Hellraiser. I see the man who took my ticket and ink-stamped my hand earlier this evening. He’s saying Gute Nacht to the last people leaving the venue. I smile and say,’ Hallo, es gibt kein Bus, es gibt kein U Bahn, mein Telefon ist kaput, können Sie Mir helfen mit ein Taxi?’ He looks at me quizzically for a few seconds, thinks,’ Mein Gott, eine crazy Frau, ich muss get rid of her NOW’, but says, Ja, he will phone a taxi for me. Martin, I believe he is called, kindly allows me to stand inside the venue till the taxi arrives.

I get back to the hotel slightly unnerved by post gig events, sit down and reach for the snack bag. FFS, two bananas and a litre of water.